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13 – 16 Weeks. Pregnant with triplets.
The excitement of the last week has just gotten so immense. Some days I’ll just be carrying on as normal at work or around the house and all of a sudden I just stop……. it hits me that I’m pregnant but not with 1 baby but 3 and my head starts to run wild. Even though I had my daughter 12 years ago I’m still amazed at what our bodies can do, growing 3 whole tiny human beings – I sit staring into thin air having thoughts about these 3 new lives that will be coming into the world. Who will they look like? Will they be boys or girls? And how the hell am I going to pick 3 names? Crikey, I don’t have enough boobs – how on earth will I feed them? Formula? Which formula? I think about the hard work but I also can’t stop thinking about all of the great moments we will have as a family.
Scan day and our first appointment with our consultant has arrived the excitement is building and building but again the fear is kicking in! What if something is wrong? What happens if I get there and they tell me this has all been a terrible mistake or they can’t find any heartbeats? Is this my maternal instinct for these babies kicking in? I just don’t understand why I sit and torture myself like this. Martin and Tia seem to be able to look at only the positives, they sit and joke about all of the trouble and mischief our new little gang will get up and what little tricks Tia can teach them so they have me wrapped around their little fingers but all I can think about is getting out of the appointment with good news! With 3 babies still bouncing around in my belly.
The scan took forever but as soon as I got into the room and lifted my top I just blurted out “Can you find 3 heartbeats?” I hadn’t given the poor woman a chance but that’s all I needed to know! When she did put the probe on my belly she didn’t need to confirm they had heartbeats we could see clear as day 3 little bouncing beans that wouldn’t stay still. I could relax, I could see 3 tiny little babies dancing inside of me and I cried – not like a wailing banshee this time I just shed tears of joy.
After the scan we went into a private consulting room to speak with the consultant we had been assigned. We didn’t take Tia for this scan or appointment because we knew there would be a lot to discuss and some of it might be a little difficult to take in, we didn’t realise just how difficult though!
Our consultant Miss P sat us down and started handing us a load of print outs and started to explain these documents contain all of the information regarding the increased chance birth defects all of your babies have. I was gob smacked – had the scan shown abnormalities? No! But apparently with multiple births your odds increase with the more babies there are. The list didn’t just stop at birth defects, we were given information on our increased chance of miscarriage, twin to twin transfusion, still births, cot death, death cause by delivery – this horrendous list just seemed to go on and on!
Here’s me sat there thinking (possibly being slightly naive) well I’m over 12 weeks I’m passed the worst danger of miscarriage stage! That little myth was soon put right – apparently not! The 12 weeks doesn’t apply to multiple pregnancies! I can feel myself getting very emotional, I don’t know if this emotion was anger, fear I just don’t know. I want her to stop talking, I don’t want to hear this, I can’t concentrate my brain is firing off in all different directions. Martin was trying to get me to focus on him, he was telling me over and over it will be ok, it WILL be ok. Then she delivered the final bit of information that she has to tell us, this last part felt like a blow to my stomach, a kick in the face! We were informed that by aborting 1 or more of the babies the remaining baby or babies stood a better chance of survival. The medical term for this is actually a reduction – id heard enough!
Ok…..pregnant hormonal crazy woman rage starting to take over my mind (if I ever tried to imagine what David banner felt like just before he becomes the Hulk id say that was it!), I was about to explode but in a moment of clarity I saw Martins face I could see the pain in his eyes and I sat there for that split second reading his face and what hit me the hardest and what made me slightly more rational than what I was going to be was what his face said. He wasn’t upset by what she was saying, Martin is great at focussing on the positives so he wasn’t worried by the statistics or the reduction options he was in was in pain with watching me go through this emotional turmoil, with every tear that came to my eyes the fear all over my face it hurt him more and more, I could see him watching me wondering how he could make it stop, how could he stop his wife be hurt anymore? I was a mess but I had to put an end to this, he hated seeing me in so much pain and I hated seeing what my pain was doing to him.
I told her to stop talking! “Stop talking now, I don’t want to hear any more of these statistics, I don’t want to hear anything more about reductions, I do not want to hear anything else negative, do you have anything positive you want to tell me?”
I was a little blunt but not as shouty as your probably imagining :-D. Without having to consult each other Martin and I said we would take our chances and carry on with the pregnancy. We left the hospital with an appointment to go back at 17 weeks, apparently this is around the time that the pregnancy would be classed as a more viable pregnancy than it is at 13 weeks.
The following weeks where not plain sailing, my sickness got so bad that I ruptured blood vessels in my chest and neck and a couple on my face. I couldn’t keep anything down, in a matter of 4 weeks I had lost over a stone and a half from the vomiting (not that I couldn’t do with shedding a bit of weight but trust me this is not a diet I would recommend and I’ve tried them all).
Here I am at 16 weeks, going strong, ok yeah I’ve been vomiting excessively, once while I was lying in bed, no pre warning, sick shot up in the air came down and hit me in the face, the heartburn is awful, I do sit here wondering sometimes if I was to spit this up in something plastic would it melt it? And omg too much information but the gas! I’m farting like a builder!
Wahoo its Tuesday 29th April only 1 week until that 17 week appointment – screw you statistics! I’m on a high today even though I feel like crap!
As per usual as soon as it was dinner time I had to head upstairs, the smell of food was too much for me to deal with the slightest whiff of anything cooking sent me running to the bathroom and today was no different!
Uh oh the smell has got in to my bedroom, I run to the bathroom but it was like I was having a race with my own sick – who will make it to the bathroom first? It was a draw! I didn’t have time to kneel or sit on the floor there was no time, I just had to aim! I don’t know where all this sick is coming from all I can face recently is toast, water, and sandwiches as long as the filling isn’t too wet but the sick just keeps on coming!
Finally when it was over I went to turn to my sink to wash but something on the floor caught my eye. Blood! Not just a little but a lot of blood! I looked down, I was covered in blood, my underwear, my legs my feet, the floor. I went from being on a high to my only thoughts being…. It’s over, it’s all over! My babies are gone.
According to the Birth Centre app at 16 weeks the average baby weighs about 140g and is about 13cm from head to bum.
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