Guest Blog: Self Care - Lesson's I've Learned in 2020 So Far

The Best Self Care Tips for 2020 & Lessons I Have Learned

Hello again! After all the stress I have endured getting essays finished and in on time, I now have the chance to sit back, reflect and share with you the most essential things I have learned in 2020 so far. Not only do I hope that these matters help you, but my goal is to get us thriving and positive again.
I do have some darker matters to share with you later in the coming weeks, however, this being said – the aim is never to trigger, the aim is to aid and help those who are recovering from these situations. Nevertheless, here are the most important things I have learned this year so far:

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Lessons in Self-Care

Set goals for yourself: what are you going to achieve this month? This year? Hard work beats talent in a lot of cases and if you continue to develop these goals you will achieve them. If, alike me, you struggle to get out of bed some-days – set a timely limit each day. For example, if one of your goals is to read 200 books this year, make sure you put 30 minutes per day into reading a couple of pages of said book into your schedule for the day.
It is okay to feel the way that you do. Not one person on this earth has the God given right to tell you that your feelings are invalid. Feel them, understand why you feel like this and devise a solution to your problem.
Seeking revenge has more back-lash than it’s worth – if somebody has hurt you or is spreading nasty lies about you, the best form of revenge is to cut ties with this person and/or their friendship group and thrive in your own success – whatever that may look like to you.
Fitness & routine – get to yourself into a form of routine, but do not be too strict with it. Allow yourself a treat or a day off just to relax. Fitness is a great form of releasing unwanted thoughts and feelings of aggression. Let out the steam – you’ll feel better and PLUS, you’ll get that dream body you always wanted!
Most Importantly – count your blessings every day. Perhaps even devise a list. For example, you may be struggling with your finances; yet there are people much worse off than you. There are people that live in poverty, people who are homeless, drug addicts that can’t get clean and so much more.

Lessons in Love

Heartbreak is vicious; however, the grieving process is the most essential driving force into fighting those demons you may be battling. You must find the inner strength to fight forward and stay positive, busy, and productive. Breakups are difficult, but if you want your ex-partner back, latching onto them and not giving them the space that they need will only cause more friction and hatred for you on their side. Grieve, thrive, and set goals. Breakups always = glow ups.
Do not go looking for love. Love works in mysterious ways and the moment you stop looking, the one who will truly love you for who you are and accept you for you, will arrive unexpectedly. Delete Tinder and any other platforms you may be on and focus on
The ‘one’ is essentially the most common denominator when choosing a mate to settle down with. However, the ‘one’ should also be the person that in which you can rely on at any time of day or night. The one who will never say that you are too much of this and too little of that. The truest form of love should be completely and irrevocably unconditional on both sides.
They say that you have three loves in your lifetime, and I have indeed had those. I will link an article at the end of this if you would like to continue to learn and develop on the topic of romance.
My final lesson in love is that it mustn’t cause stress, harm or inconvenience. Having been ‘love bombed’ into a relationship myself – it is easier said than done – but get out. Love should feel like home, not an ongoing war.

Lessons in Mental Health

Mental health awareness should continue to be at the forefront of our minds. Whether you deal with mental health related issues or not, considering that it is “mental health awareness week” – it’s important to do your research and learn your own coping mechanisms or the mechanisms of those around you. There are giant stigma’s around varying disorders that are completely and utterly untrue. It is important that research is done to figure out what to do next.
Once again, I’d like to point to: your feelings are always valid. Whether that be because of the medications that you take, hormone levels, menstrual cycle or anything else. Nobody has the right to tell you how to feel and that is that.
If your mental health disorder (such as EUPD/BPD, CPTSD or PTSD) was born out of trauma – just know that these disorders are You can be cured and there is a possible way out, I promise. The weight some disorders carry can be those that break the camel’s back – but keep fighting. You will win. You can defeat those demons. You can do it.
Manifestation – if you look in the mirror and continue to say or think negatively about yourself, do something I like to call “fake it ‘til you make it”. Continuously think and talk yourself into being beautiful. Remember: beauty is only skin deep, however; thinking positively ‘I am beautiful’ and telling yourself that you are beautiful over and over until you truly believe it, is an amazing tool I discovered when I found (and sometimes still find myself doing). Resonating with the above, this type of manifestation is from: ‘The Secret’ – a good watch on Netflix or read in book format. They say the greatest inventors used ‘The Secret’ to achieve their goals. Personally – I’ve found it fascinating and it has indeed worked in my life. What you put out into the universe is exactly what you get given back. So, start writing over and over what you want to achieve, how you’re going to achieve it. Use that thought process (which is much easier said than done), but once you’ve nailed it – good things will start pouring into your life.
Finally, in this section, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You were the winner of a dozen swimmers and it’s important to remember that you were placed on this world for a reason. You made it through thousands of sperm cells and were the one to plant yourself inside of the egg. You were a winner once; you will be a winner again.

Lessons in Life

Since I am quarantined alone, with no friends to hang out with (keeping within strict government guidelines) within my area or friends that are busy, I have found solace in learning new things, practicing new things and even writing my book. Social Media is a powerful tool and – when used positively – can connect us to the ones we love in an instant. However, social media never should be used violently or to even have an input into ‘cancel culture’. If you haven’t heard of somebody being ‘Cancelled’ before – good.
Indulge in what makes you feel good (discounting drugs – since I was an opioid addict for eight years, as previously discussed). For me, that’d be my religious beliefs – Spirituality. I have many precious crystals; I’m currently doing tarot readings that are beginning to come true for those I have done them for etc. I love it. So, perhaps indulging in your own religious beliefs will help. Praying to your own god, reading a bible. Whatever makes you feel comfort and peace – do it.
I am thoroughly enjoying sitting down to write and illustrate my very own poetry book that I look to be out before the end of the year. I am already a published poet and illustrator in the INK2020 Journal but having my very own book is a dream that I will push to make a reality.
As I said I’ve learned in the first lessons’ segment, it is so important that you do not lower yourself to the standards of others in order to get revenge. Take a step back and sleep on it before you do what you’re going to do. It makes matters ten times worse – be happy and content in your own life.
Stop using the word ‘toxic’. This is such a violent word that is used far too commonly in my own opinion. So is the word ‘hate’. With such ammunition behind these words, I can only imagine what a disaster they can cause.